I can’t sleep. Yet again. No surprise really anymore. I’ve finally got to that point where I know the sleep deprivation is making me more cray by the day..
I’ve just spent around 45 minutes crying staring at the ceiling bcus of a fear of abandonment that shouldn’t even exist inside my head. Then as I tried to stop my tears I literally felt like I was watching myself lying there in that pathetic state, I was just standing next to my own bed watching my own self.. I couldn’t get my head around it all. I started to shout at myself thinking I was dead or something equally as ridiculous. Nothing happened, from this the panic struck and I felt my chest tighten, my hearing went fuzzy and my vision went white then click I was back staring at the ceiling. It was the most surreal thing I’ve experienced and I don’t know what it was. Now I know I need to sleep.