I’ve got this empty feeling, deep down.
That wont go away. & I’ve tried to make reason to discover the cause, the tigger the moment in the last few days that’s creating this pain. I woke this morning straight to tears. The frustration of feeling this way, attempting to distract myself, but no matter how hard I try it never seems to be enough.
This stupid routine has invaded my mind/life. I have no self trust. It’s beyond stupid. I feel so trapped by own self. I keep telling myself I don’t need to do this. And his muffled voice behind my ear just screams, “Do it you looser, the pain will help”.
Hours later when the chemicals induced have passed and with the cold sharo pain, he reminds me again just how I’ve failed.